Lately I have really been seeking the Lord to find out what my holy ambition is. A holy ambition is something that you really, really, REALLY want to do, that God wants you to do as well. I have been searching the depths of my heart and trying to figure out my true passions in life. So far I have come up with loving children, justice for people with special needs, justice in the education system, worshiping God, and relationships. I'm sure there are more and that I could have been much more specific in how I worded those passions but so far I am still trying to weed some things out.
It is really hard to ask your self what your true passions in life are. First of all, it is convicting and makes you realize how much time you spend on things that you are not passionate about. Secondly, if your passions are for worldly things it can be really challenging to look at your life and your choices and be willing to change so that you have meaning and purpose rather than a surface deep life. Once I really get a grasp on my passions and where my gifts lie, I hope that I can start to put them to use in a way that God also wants me to put them to use. I guess for now, my holy ambition is to seek God and His holy ambition for my life.
Another thing that I have been working on in my life is really looking at myself and the weaknesses I see in the way I am living and trying to do something about it. I have come to the realization that even if you know you need to change, you cannot do it on your own and most likely you do not want to go through the hard process of change. My prayer has been for God to change my heart so that I want to change and for Him to place people in my life to help me along the way. He has heard my prayer. So far on this trip God has provided me with friends to have super convicting and helpful conversations with me right when I need them to...even if I didn't want them at the time.
I have also been borrowing my friend's devotional book "Jesus Calling." On March 9th, the devotional said, "The world is a needy place; do not go there for sustenance. Instead, come to me. Learn to depend on Me alone, and your weakness will become saturated with My Power. When you find your completeness in Me, you can help other people without using them to meet your own needs. Live in the Light of My Presence, and your light will shine brightly into the lives of others."
I hope that writing this out on my blog holds me accountable to continuing on this difficult but rewarding process of seeking God's will in my life. He is the potter, I am the clay. I am so grateful that He never gives up on me. I am quite the work in progress, but that's the beauty of it. God continues to reveal more and more of who He wants me to be and more and more of Him in my life throughout the process. I am not perfect, and will continue to fail...I fail EVERYDAY...but he has new mercies for me every morning.
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